Tinsel on my Tush...

The other day one of my seniors, who is always cheerful and smiley, says to me 'turn around'….I oblige and she laughs and says 'oh, I thought you had tinsel on your butt'.   I had on corduroy pants with sequins on the back pockets :-)  This lady always finds joy in things…is most times smiling, laughing…. Her lunch table is the most lively and they are all always laughing, having a good time…
Which got me thinking…. basically, I think I am a positive person, but lately I have been focussing on the negatives…my weight gain, how nothing fits, looks good, my thinning hair, hurting knees, lamenting a lost friendship that I have no control over, etc. etc.
This morning I put on those pants again and thought of my senior's comment/laughter.  I then made a decision to not focus on the negatives in my life…to daily choose to be a more positive, thankful person…and to ask the Lord to help me follow through and accomplish these things…I am so Thankful for the awesome family and friendships I do have…..For a husband who is wonderful and cancer free……For a God who created me and loves me just the way I am, Who has provided for all my needs and most of my wants and Who has a perfect plan for my life and the lives of those I love….
Do I need to lose weight? Sure I do…especially to be healthier.  BUT……….I am going to embrace who I am right now…choose to look at the bright side of things….let my light shine, or actually, His light shine through me….and smile and laugh more…..after all…it is kind of funny it looks like I have tinsel on my tush!  :-)

Importance

Yesterday, I almost lost someone who has been one of my best friends since middle school....and her husband, who is my husband's best friend...and their son...
Except for the grace/intervention of God, they should be dead from carbon monoxide poisoning.... That morning, I was laying in bed thinking, I have to call Deb...just to tell her I miss her and catch up with what is happening in their lives.
Then I find out the details of how close the three of them came to meeting their Lord and Savior. All I could think of is, I would have never gotten the chance to talk one last time...tell her how important she/they are in our lives....

Something like this awakens us to questions...things to think about:

-----We don't know when our time will be to leave this earthly body.....do you know where you will spend eternity?
Because of their personal relationship with Jesus Christ...I know that "to be absent from the body..is to be present with the Lord" ...they would be rejoicing with Jesus...no doubt. In that...everyone who knew them personally would have peace...

-----What if you never got a chance to say I'm sorry...You are important to me....I love you? Tell those who are important in your life....how important they are every day if possible....don't take it for granted that they know...or that you have plenty of time to say how you feel.... Give people you don't know a kind word and a smile...you may be the last person they come in contact with.....

-----And last....
are you living your life to the fullest? Are you living and walking in the destiny God has created for you? Our Creator put us on this earth for a reason...for such a time as this....First of all, to have a personal relationship with Him...to fellowship with Him...love Him...because He first loved us,loved us so much He died so we can have life. But then to do the work He put us on this earth to do...To show the world His love, compassion, forgiveness....To walk in love, joy peace.... to demonstrate His character...His creativity....To heal the hurting, physically, mentally, emotionally...to be His hands and feet and heart to the world who does not yet know Him.....

I for one, so many times, focus on my short comings, "disabilities"... what I lack...instead of being thankful for the things I do have and allowing Him to use me as I am....because after all..."I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me"...."His strength is made perfect in weakness".

We don't know what our future holds...but we can know The One Who holds our future....

Live each day as though it could be your last.....because one day, it will be...

AVOIDANCE

The definition of avoidance is: deliberately avoiding; keeping away from or preventing from happening

I had my 40th high school reunion a couple of saturdays ago....

and I so wish I could do it over....

In HS I was really shy....and having just turned 58..... over the years I have learned to push that shy person away and force myself to be outgoing....talkative.

but on certain occasions, I realize I revert back to that shy HS girl and keep myself busy doing something to avoid interacting more intimately with people...

I spent most of the reunion night...dancing! Yep, even with a painful herniated disk in my back and two other buldging disks, I managed to dance almost every dance...Sure I love pulling people up from their seats and bringing them to the dance floor....and you can have a brief conversation while dancing....but on the most
part....I really didn't talk to anyone....find out what they have been doing for the last forty years...AND I SO REGRET THAT...

when I wasn't dancing....I was taking everyone's pictures....I love taking pictures...and this was the perfect way to say hello...take a picture...and move on to the next table/person......another method of avoidance....Don't get me wrong...photography is becoming one of my passions...I'm even thinking of taking a class and getting a better camera....and I love having the memories forever captured
on "film"...but for me, that night, it was another way to avoid conversing with people....alot of whom I didn't know in HS...or haven't seen in 40 yrs...and really would have liked to find out how they've been and where their paths have taken them.
The guy I most talked to (on the dance floor) and was so happy to see...was Sidney
Brown....He was such a great guy in school and he, Mamie and I had a special friend connection back then,I think...and I am so glad he came and that I did get to find out a little about his life now....I wish he was on FB so that we could keep in touch...

I am blessed to still be great and even best friends with four of my HS friends.....
Mamie in from out of town (and Matt).....and though we don't see each other often, we talk regularly on FB or telephone and I love her dearly..she is one that over the years I had lost contact with for awhile, but the minute we're together, it's like we've never been separated....Deb Dietrich was in from out-of-town...and was staying with us in our home like she does at least once a year....her and I have stayed close, shared the ups and downs of life together....and her husband and mine are great friends also... and it hasn't mattered that distance separates us, we've remained best friends over all these years......the two others live in Hamburg, Bob who we've reconnected through FB, and is like the brother I never had (and who has a lovely wife with the best smile).....and Deb Dutko..who is still so funny and a strong christian whom I can turn to for advice and prayer whenever I need it...I see them occasionally and when I attend their church (about once a month) ....
.....but I didn't spend any quality time talking to any of them either. Thank God good friends understand and accept you and love you for who you are!

I have also been blessed because of FB to be getting to know Kevin and Leilani...and getting together with them on occasion has been so great...they introduced us to kayaking....and carol (devolle) and her husband, brad, from WCH...i look forward to seeing
why He has drawn us together, as couples, and what His plans are for us to do together on the West side of Buffalo..
then there's coleen......her and I were co-treasurers on the reunion committee....It has been so great getting together with her..... we always end up laughing at something....she hasn't
changed much since HS, I don't think....and that's a good thing....I really hope that we continue to see eachother regularly...I consider her a very dear friend....


Oh, I had a great time at the reunion! Seeing everyone was wonderful...and like I said...I love dancing...that was alot of fun....and I have many pictures ...

I do thank God that alot are on FB....it's a way to keep in touch and find out, at least
a little bit, of what is going on in their lives... I love getting daily updates...

...and those of us on the committee in Buffalo have agreed to get together once a month, if possible, to keep that friendship that we developed over the year planning the reunion....going...being on the committee was such a blessing...and everyone is so great - Jeannie, Mary Lou, Lorraine, Coleen, Joe, Patti...and a bonus is....getting to know Mike patti's husband...he fit's in so well with the rest of us.... Brian and I have been friends with Jeannies husband Tom, forever...
and it's been great seeing him regularly again....

but again... I really wish I would have pushed through the fear and have taken the time to talk to everyone...found out a bit of what has become of their lives....


Susan is planning a 60th birthday party get together....and Jeannie, another dear friend from HS, is talking about another reunion in five years......I hope we do have one!

This time I WILL talk to people and have no regrets....I just pray we are all still around and I get that chance to do so.....

APRIL 24TH IS THE DAY THE LORD HAS MADE!!!!!

it all started in l983.....during my prayer time with the Lord, out of the blue,...I heard Him say that we were to adopt a little baby girl from Korea. Immediately I saw a vision of myself sitting in the basement of St. Teresa's church, probably in second or third grade, watching a movie about an orphanage in Asia, and saying to myself....when I get old enough, I am going to adopt one of these babies.....
I had not thought of that day since, except the vision was so clear, it was like I was there again...I knew without a shadow of a doubt the Lord had spoken to me....

However,I wasn't so sure how brian was going to react when I told him. We had not talked about having more children....and never about adoption.....So i waited for the opportune time, and proceeded to tell him how I heard from God, the vision, etc. He was not very receptive at first....but I told him that he should pray, that if it's from God, the Lord will show him too.....I don't remember exactly how long it took, but sure enough the Lord confirmed to Brian that it was Him that spoke and it was His will....

We attended some meetings of the group Families Interested in Adoption to find out how you go about finding an agency, what is involved in adopting a child, esp. from overseas....In Jan, l984 we filled a pre-application, and in April l984, we completed and filed our formal application. We picked an agency that was based in NY state.

As it should be, adopting a child is no easy process....there were physicals we both had to have, copies of everything, including HS report cards, certificates of employment, etc. We both had to individually write an autobiography to submit along with all the paperwork.... written references, Drs. approval, pages of questions we had to answer...a caseworker coming to our home and personally accessing our ability to provide a good home...

If we hadn't heard from the Lord, this whole adoption procedure would have been discouraging.....3 mos. after our first child, Nicole, was born....I was diagnosed as having Multiple Sclerosis....The Dr. came right out and said that he could not recommend me to be able to physically take care of an infant, child, being the nature of the disease, and not knowing what the future had in store for me physically....that we should not get our hopes up. That seemed liked strike one against us....but we were not discouraged, we told the Dr. that we knew we heard from God, and that my diagnosis was not going to stop us from adopting. Even our pastor, who met with us and was giving the agency a character reference, was not real encouraging and told us that we should say just what is required, nothing more, so as not to give them and the devil, any other reasons to cause this adoption not to happen.

However, after praying, I decided that in my autobiography, I was going to tell all...of how I heard from the Lord about adopting, the vision, everything.... how I was diagnosed with MS and was trusting God as my healer.....and how as a family, we
desired to trust God for everything, and dedicated our lives to be a witness and a testimony for Him.

We submitted all the paperwork...and was told that it would take at least l2 weeks...
after about 8 weeks, I felt, in prayer, that we would hear sooner, so I wrote out an arrival announcement. That afternoon, the case worker calls saying we were approved and she has a photo for us.....We were elated! and praised God for the miracle that He had performed to accomplish His will for our family. How awesome is our God?... it turns out that the agency we picked was a christian based one, one that also cared very much about the spiritual welfare of the child....we did not know that until after we were approved!...It turned out that us being honest and sharing about the Lord, was probably the key factor in them approving us, in spite of the MS diagnosis.

After being accepted, there were a few more obstacles...Korea decided not to renew the agencies license in NY....so another agency took over, one that was based in Oklahoma....just a temporary setback....took a few months longer than it
was originally planned.

We had prayed that "Lord, whatever baby you have for us, in spite of backround, physical condition, etc.....which ever one the agency first picks for us, we will trust that she is the one you have picked for us"....so when we were given the picture of KIM, Yeon Hee, from Soul Korea who was born on l/6/85 for approval....we knew she was the one that was to be a part of our family....and our
hearts were bursting with love for her.

If you have a biological child....waiting 9 mos. during pregnancy is sometimes difficult....well
adopting a child, I believe is worse, it was like being pregnant for well over a year.... from the time you apply and the time your child comes home....

Finally we are told she will be coming on April 24th....We travel to New York City, where she will be arriving along with some other babies that were to be adopted. Because their flight was very late, we literally had to sign the papers, grab Jodi(daddy had picked out the name) and run to catch our flight back to Buffalo.....
We just made it....sit down in our seats, and for the first time really get to look at our beautiful new baby girl.....she had 2 sets of clothes on, and because she was used to the formula given in Korea, we were advised to give her soy milk....I take out the bottle and put the nipple in her mouth...and she has this look like she is going to scream....but then decided it wasn't so bad, and started drinking the bottle without a fuss....we both were very relieved!

We were met at the airport in Buffalo by family and friends.....what a joyful celebration it was, balloons and laughter. Jodi was a bit overwhelmed by all this attention, but she never cried....just looked at everyone with her beautiful black eyes. Her big sister Nicole was so excited to meet this baby sister she had been waiting for, and her grandpa, to this day, still boasts that he was the only one who could make her smile that night. We were so thankful that she was finally home to be with the family the Lord had destined for her to be a part of....

The arrival announcement I wrote read:

"With Great Joy and Thanksgiving
We welcome to Our Family
Jodi Kim
(Kim, Yeon Hee)

Jodi was born on January 6, l985
In Chollanam-do, South Korea

We praise and thank God for putting
the desire in our hearts to adopt her,
and for the miracle he performed to
make the desire a reality.
Our Blessings Overflow!

HAPPY ARRIVAL DAY JODI!!!! WE THANK GOD FOR THE GIFT OF YOU!!!!!

April l4, l98l

29 years ago, Mon. April l3, l98l, I was very anxiously waiting our first child to be born....Back then, we didn't know if it was a boy or girl.....but I was convinced it was a girl....after all...I prayed for a girl, with dark hair and blue eyes, to be born on a Tuesday (because after taking a tour of Childrens Hospital ...found out they served prime rib to the new parents on Tues) AND I prayed for a big baby....I was afraid that I would be more nervous handling a tiny infant than a bigger one.....

That night I was a bit uncomfortable....I had a cold and was very stuffy and was afraid that if I went into labor, it would be difficult to do the breathing
exercises we had been practicing in our Lamaze classes.....ah...those Lamaze classes....sitting on the floor with brian behind me....coaching me....slow breaths.....blowing breaths.....all those weeks of learning to focus/breath properly so that you can relax, and make it a joyful birthing experience....yep, we knew breathing and relaxing...we were as ready as we ever would be!

Besides being stuffy, one of the main reasons I was uncomfortable was....I WAS HUGE...I had gained over 50 lbs.....well, I guess if you're going to have a big baby, you have to
gain more weight than usual, was my justification.....I have to admit, after my seventh month, I was pretty sick of people asking me if I was due any day now.....Finally the due date had approached, and I could answer yes to that question...of course, by then, the question was "are you having twins, you're so big?"!!! I think
when you're pregnant, everyone and their brother feel they have the right to comment on your body.... I got to expect the comments, and actually was surprised when someone didn't say anything about how big I was...AND I suppose the big fur coat someone gave me didn't help....I looked like a huge grizzly bear!!!!

Finally went to bed...it was hard to get comfortable...with the stuffiness and the hugeness....have to admit, I was a little cranky, here I am tossing and turning...and
my very sweet, dear husband is snoring away....
I must have fallen asleep at some point...but at 3:30 I was awakened....my water broke!!! so I wake up brian.....nervous, excited, a little bit scared....forgot all about the stuffiness....and was very much looking forward to finally delivering this little bundle of joy that has been growing inside of me for the past 9 months...
Well, nothing happened....no pains, not even a cramp.....so we decide to wait until
a decent time and call the Dr.....of course, the next few hours, for me felt like forever.....brian, bless him, snored away......

around 6:30 a.m. called the Dr....they said to come in... in a couple of hours if nothing happened sooner....so around midmorning went to the Dr. He sent us to the hospital and since still no contractions, around l2:30 p.m....they induced labor.... within minutes, the contractions started.....ok.....not too bad....but quickly they got more intense....
.....ok...now relax, slow breaths, blowing breaths.....THIS REALLY ISN'T WORKING FOR ME!.....I decide that I am going to focus on Jesus and pray in the Spirit instead....MUCH, MUCH better....maybe I should teach a class...I will entitle it..."Forget the breathing....praying works better!" Around 8:00 p.m. the Dr. comes in and checks me out and says that we are not going to have this baby for a long time yet, that he was going to go out for something to eat....besides, I was in good hands with the midwife that worked with him. She was a doll....very encouraging, positive....stayed with us the whole time.... and I had Brian, rubbing my back, doing everything he could to make me comfortable....

After about an hour and a half, I was at the point where I wanted to push so bad, but she said no, not yet....I think that part was harder than having the baby, the pressure, the wanting to push, but trying not to.

Finally, with no Dr. to be found, the midwife says I can push....and at l0:l5 p.m.
our precious baby was born....now they had this mirror on legs set up in front of me so I could see the baby coming out...but it had a decal of Raggity Ann on it...and wouldn't you know it, she came out right where the decal was on the mirror, and I didn't get to see her the moment she arrived!....disappointing, but funny at the same time.....

They quickly whisked her away to do what they do, and all of a sudden we hear the nurses making all this fuss, screaming....we immediately thought something horrible had happened....but no, it was because she was so big, the scale was not set that high.....boy, what a relief that was....she weighed in at l0 lbs. l2 oz....God had
REALLY answered my prayer.....

well, the stitching afterward took awhile, because she was so big, I tore pretty bad, but that was ok....I was so thankful she arrived safely, was indeed a girl, dark hair and beautiful blue eyes, it was Tuesday...and prime rib was on the way!!!!

God is so good....He cares about everything we care about....and I learned nothing is too frivilous to ask Him and believe Him for.....

As I held this precious gift of God in my arms, I was amazed at how quickly this tiny bundle of joy could create such emotion in you, how you can feel so much love immediately, and what a miracle it is that we were responsible for bringing this little person into the world.....

Welcome Nicole Marie Stelley....you have a God given destiny and from this moment on....will forever change this mom and dads lives for the better...you are truly a gift from God and an answer to our prayers....

HAPPY 29TH BIRTHDAY NICOLE....we love you and are so proud of the woman you have become.....

Friends

this June, it will be 40 yrs. since my high school graduation....Last year two of our classmates decided it would be nice to have a reunion this Aug. and one started contacting other classmates on facebook.....It has been wonderful connecting with old classmates. Some friendships have been renewed, while others, although we weren't friends in High School.....are developing into really good friends....
It's amazing how someone you didn't esp. connect with in school can become such a good friend at this stage in your life.....you realize now, why certain people acted the way they did in school, after finding out a little about what life was like for them back then. That bully was just acting out anger steming from his dysfunctional home life.....that girl you thought was so stuck up really was extremely shy.....and that beautiful girl who seemingly had it all....felt extremely sad inside and not as confident as everyone thought she was. Some haven't changed much at all....The class clown is still making everyone laugh and the sweet cheerleader is still very softspoken and sweet.
Most of us have, on the most part, overcome our high school insecurities.....but very few of us have completely conquered all of them....At what age do you have to reach where you are finally happy/content with who you are? Or maybe it's not an age, it's a state of mind...where you realize that everything you have gone through, good and bad, has molded you into the person you are right now.....and you finally accept that.

I personally feel that one can never really be content and happy with his life
until he gives it over to the One who created life.

I believe, and the bible says, that God, in His Divine plan, has created us all for a specific purpose...It isn't until we give our life totally over to Christ, make Him number one, and allow Him to show us who we are in Him, that He can reveal that plan and purpose He created us for. And even though we still may have faults, we can truly accept and love ourselves, who we are today, because we know that with Him, we are forever changing and being molded into that awesome person He created.....into our God designed destiny.

I thank God for this 40th reunion and the old and new friends it has brought back into my life......but I esp. am thankful that I have accepted Christ as my Savior,
and I will always have a friend in Him....One who loves me unconditionally,forgives all my sins,will never disappoint me,or be disappointed in me, And will never leave nor forsake me.

Some times we act like a duck

last year, when i was digging up my flower garden on the side of our house to get ready to put some plants in, I dug up a HUGE egg....I had no idea what kind of creature layed an egg that big, thought it might be a snake....I called various wildlife rescue places and they said that judging by the size, color, it was probably a duck egg.... and that the mother had probably abandoned it. Now I'm sure she may have thought it was a good place to lay an egg, being so close to our pond in the back yard and all...but I think when she realized that this property wasn't so excellent
to raise a youngin, because of the two very active,vocal dogs that live here, she flew the coop, so to speak.....
so feeling somewhat responsible for the little orphan, I put the egg under lights and waited and watched....and waited....until
I realized, after again talking to more wildlife experts, that my attempt to save this baby duckling had not been successful....
Everyone said to just throw the egg out.
I was tempted to crack it open and see exactly what was inside, but decided to give
the little critter some dignity and a semi-proper "burial". I wrapped it in tissues and placed it gently into a bag and put it in the garbage....

Last week, I couldn't believe my eyes....there was a duck walking in my side yard...and it sure looked like it was casing out the joint....
Today I looked out the window and there it was again, by our pine tree.....and I thought, how stupid, it didn't work last time, why are you even considering coming back and nesting here.....

then I thought, don't we humans do the same thing sometimes?....we either do something one way that doesn't work, or find ourselves in situations, by our own making or not, that are not healthy/productive.....but yet, we go back to doing the same thing over again, or back to the situation where nothing has changed.... and expect different results. Are we lured by the great looking pond....or that wolve in sheep clothing, or are we just optimists that think things will be better this time around.....

they say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results......but there is something about persistence, and not giving up....

I don't know....I guess we just have to pray for wisdom to know the difference and
hope that, like that duckling, it's not a matter of life and death.

gosh....He didn't even give me a day before He corrected me....

We went to a worship/prayer regional meeting tonight, where
a lot of people from different churches come together to worship/
pray for our communities/state/nation.....it was awesome!

And during the worship, The Lord kept saying to me.....what you
said is ok for you, EXCEPT, there are times when
you have to step totally out of the boat, into the water.... when I speak to you
to do something specific, and you know that the timing is now.....
for example, for me,
stepping out and praying for people to be healed....Now, I can still start small, say
like on a wed. nite....as opposed to renting Rich Stadium and having a
healing crusade.....but I still need to step out of the boat (my comfort
zone) completely and trust Him. He reminded me, the sea didn't part
until Moses stepped into it....(i still have to look that one up)....
that if He calls me to do something....all I have to do is be obedient,
have faith in Him, and just do it! because it's not about me, it's about
Him choosing to work through me....or not....But that's His call, not
mine....I'm just called to pray.......

i was thinking how we decide to start a diet, or read the word more,
or exercise...and then the next thing you know, we've blown the diet,
exercised for two days and quit....and didn't read the bible as long as we
wanted to.....so we get discouraged and stop altogether.....

I have decided that I am going to ease myself into things..
for instance....i am a terrible nail biter....so i started with not
biting three nails, then five, then eight.....right now I am, and
have been for a couple ofmonths, still biting two nails...I can't seem to
stop completely, but although it looks extremely stupid, I am
not giving up because I can't stop biting all of them, I will have
ten finger nails growing some time in the future!

To get my flesh under control I decided to fast....now that's an
area where I really have trouble.....So I have been not eating after
7:00 p.m. Mon - Thurs. Everyother day is the same....Now some might
think that is silly....but I think, even a little is better than nothing....and
boy, there are many times i want to break this fast, but knowing in a few
days, I will be off it....and that I am doing something for the Lord, however
small, encourages me to go on.

For me, it applies to alot of things I desire to do...like exercise and reading
the bible more......starting out with baby steps seems to be the way for me
to go......read one more chapter a day, dance to a song, walk up the stairs
once instead of taking the elevator..


Some people can get out of the boat and walk on water....and that is my
ultimate goal....

but right now....I'm just putting my right foot in......
and I think He's ok with that....

Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin." (Zechariah 4:10 NLT)

you know we pray.....Lord speak to me, use me....
and then we get woken up during the night and
hear His voice saying...get up and pray....and
you're so tired, so you lay there and say a short
prayer and go back to sleep......
God forgive me for letting this flesh get in the
way of what you are calling me to do....thank
you ..that you never give up on us....you forgive
over and over......and that you equip us with everything
we need to do that thing you are calling us to do.....